Today I thought I write a post about my ongoing weight issues and self image how it affects me everyday.
Most of my life, I have been battling with my weight. I wasn’t a big during the early days.But as soon as I reached my teenager years thats when I started piling on the weight and self imaging issues started. Going to all girl school and not being in the ‘popular’ crowd and feeling that your looks and weight could be the issue doesn’t help.
I hated my secondary school days to the max. Wondering why I am not attractive, no boyfriend and my weight. Why can I be pretty and slim and be they the popular girls in school. I was teased abit and felt alone and isolated and just had few friends in school, whom none I keep in touch with.
College days weren’t too bad. But the weight issues and self believe started. Comparing myself to others and doubting myself.
Being the eldest out of seven sisters and one brother, I feel I am not pretty? slim and good enough. My sisters are pretty and slim and I am the ugly duckling and no boyfriend etc. Having people tell you that your sisters are beautiful and you’re not really hurts.
I founded out I was diabetic after turnt 30 and suffered from high blood pressure in my early twenties. The weight issues got worst and having three children hasn’t helped.After having my children, I have dramatically dropped from a size 24 to a 18 and kept it off for few months and then it all goes back on.
My weight and self image has been problems to my past relationships and not been nice. Which now I have a issue when it comes to men and trust issues.
Also , going in to shops not be able to buy trendy clothes in my size and like the clothes in the normal range gets me down alot .I ended up most of the time not buying anything.But instead I comfort eat alot, just to make myself good and better about myself.
I know deep down inside I never be happy but have to accept this is me and and theu way I was made. I am ‘unique’ I am ‘beautiful’ as Christina Aguilera says ‘words won’t bring me down’
Alot of this is down to media and what they pervice as beautiful and not. I feel I don’t want my daugther with image issues and weight thing like myself. That’s why alot of girls today have eating disorder and self image issues.I believe there needs to be more plus size models and that they are beautiful as well.
As to my weight, I will be trying to lose it and try and get to a size 18. My health is important and now affect my knees and I need to do this for myself but most important myself. I don’t wanna be in a grave early and leave my children. I am doing it for them.